CHANGE CHALLENGE

Change is essential in a person's life. Without opening to change, we will always be stuck in our current situation and we will not experience progress and happiness in life. Some people say that we need not to change ourselves; rather, we must learn how to accept ourselves. However, there is a downside with this kind of thinking. If we remain to be ourselves,  no matter how rotten we are, for the sake of being unique, we are only allowing ourselves to be eaten by the quicksand of deceptions. Going through life without intending to upgrade our selves - our attitudes and behaviors, would only define one thing about who we are: THAT WE ARE SELFISH CREATURES. Selfish because we rob ourselves the opportunity to have a great life and we do not give people a chance to experience how it is to have a great relationship with us.

So for the rest of the year, I commit to change myself for myself, for the people around me, and for GOD. :)

I will..

• be a giver of time, talent, and treasure with a cheerful heart. I will stop thinking of myself first; rather, I'll find delight in serving God and other people through the time, talent, and treasure lent to me by God. I will stop running after time. I will use my talents to the optimum level.I will get rid of the scarcity mentality when it comes to my finances.

 

• be more decisive. I will not be a wind tossed by the ocean. I will fix my mind on things that are important. I will get wisdom from God.

 

• be more outgoing. I will stop acting like what matters most is my job, ministry, and family. I will enjoy myself as well as the exciting things around me waiting to be explored.

 

• stop being a people pleaser. I can't please everybody. It's frustrating and it's impossible. I don't need the approval of others to feel good about myself.All I need is God's approval. 

• pray and read the Bible more. I have done it before and I can do better now.  I will always keep in mind that prayers (coupled with works) are my access to God's blessings. I will value my time with God and I will get to know more of God through His words. 

 I pray for God's grace to enable me to do all of these. :)

ITS BEEN A WHILE

HOLLA!

A lot of things happened for over a year now since my last post.

• I've been hired as a public school teacher last November 2012.
• I've been serving in the Praise and Worship Ministry in our church since December.
• I've been taking my Masters Degree in Education Major in Reading since last semester.
• I turned 21 last October, for goodness' sake!! HAHA

Ahh. Whenever I look back to those times when I've been depressed and fatigued thinking when I could get a stable job, I just can't help but breathe out praise to God. It's amazing how he orchestrated things to happen for my good. I mean, He really knew what He was doing the whole time even if it meant making me feel insecured and depressed. :)

I'm enjoying my life right now even if teaching is tiring, cash is running out, and boyfriend is away.HAHA. No, seriously, life will be a lot better in the coming days, that I am sure of.

So what now?

My life right now has been really, really extraordinary. Here are the highlights:

• I am still waiting for God's favor regarding my public school application. I don't know how He would get me employed in a public school this year or if it's His will to have me employed in public school this way, but either way, I trust His plans for me. 
• I have been active in church lately. It really keeps me sane, being with my spiritual family. :)
• Afternoon until evening tutorial sessions. Stressful but totally fun, especially during birthdays. HAHA. :D Kidding!
• I have been stretched when it comes to doing things alone.I grew up sheltered and always have someone beside me in almost everything that I do. But I guess it's safe to say now that I have become matured and more independent than I used to be. I am slowly overcoming my fear of approaching people,especially those in offices. :) It's fulfilling for a dependent person like me. :)
• I've already became a Ninang to my 2-month old godson, Roan Jethro. :)
• Fasting. I haven't tried it before, and it's also fulfilling. It's more of relying on the Spirit than on the flesh. :)

Wherever I am right now, I am joyful. I am secured even if I don't have a stable job right now. I am assured for I know that I am destined for greatness, maybe not this time. I don't know when but my hopes are really high. :) I am loving the place and the circumstances where I am right now. :)

To Take MA or Not

My life right now is like a very hard riddle! It's very confusing! I still am caught between getting MA this June or not.Here's the reason why and why not I should take MA this June:

Why?

• The earlier I take it, the better.
• Fast promotion.
• If I start early, I can have two MAs before I get married. 
• It's better to start now because I'm not so busy yet.

Why not?

• I don't have the funds to finance it since I don't have a high-paying job yet. I don't want to depend on my parents for financial support anymore.
• I guess I'm not yet prepared? HAHA. 
• I am still undecided of what major to choose.
• My colleagues will not take their MA yet.
• I STILL DON'T HAVE MONEY TO SUSTAIN IT!

Well, as I look at what I have written just right now, I think I already am coming into a decision. As my boyfriend would put it, to prefer "God's Will" than "Time is Gold".

Maybe I should stop being so idealistic and start being practical; and of course, allowing God to decide for me. :)

Let me breathe out, okay!

I really am bummed with what I have been doing lately. It really is so tiring - going here, going there, with very boring in betweens. Everything is so uncertain regarding my career right now. I don't know if I can get a teaching position in a public school this year (and this means continuing my unstable job again). I am again confused whether to take my masters this semester or not because I worry about my funds. Waah! It's really driving me insane!

The only thing that keeps me going right now is my discipleship process at the church. God's promises reminds me not to lose hope in the situation I am into right now.  1 Thesalonians 5:8 says "Give thanks to the Lord for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." You know, when you are in a situation where everything seems to be unstable or uncertain, it is just but a normal tendency for you to grumble and lose hope. But we are reminded that hopelessness and worries are just few of the devil's scheme to loosen our grip on God which would eventually give him an opportunity to grab and pull us down.

Well, I still love teaching, though. Even if it's tedious, even if it is so hard to get into the public school system, even if the salary is not congruent to the effort you put in the job - I would still pursue it. Maybe right now I am in a seemingly hopeless situation, but I will make sure I will never let myself be defeated by the discouragement of the devil. I have a great GOD. I will put my trust in Him.

*Lord, whatever Your plans for my life are, let Your will be done. Give me the serenity to accept the kind of destiny that You have prepared for me. Lord, guide me as I walk with You. I surrender to You everything - my hopes, dreams, even my worries and doubts. Let Your Holy Spirit abide in me as I journey in this world. Give me a peaceful heart even in the midst of inner peacelessness. Have Your way in me, Lord.

Anxious

I am currently working on my lesson plan for my demo teaching on Tuesday. Darn, I still don't have the perfect springboard for my lesson. I hate it when my mind is filled with ideas that I can't organize yet because something is still lacking. Anyway, I really am quite anxious about my demo teaching. I was expecting to have it on Friday but the HRMO told us that all English majors will have their demo on Tuesday. At first I was really pissed off. But now, the feeling of anxiousness overpower the feeling of being pissed. HAHA. Well, I'm trying to do my best in doing my lesson plan; and I hope I can deliver it with less flaws!

*Just got a springboard for my lesson.HAHA.

Then and Now

 

Picture taken last December 5, 2011. This was the day when we had our oathtaking. Nah, it isn't a formal event because it's FREE. Haha! XD Anyway, I'm glad because that day was documented, at least. :D

Anyway....

My colleagues and I are already busy processing our papers for our application and ranking. Wooh! This is it na talaga Lord! Just this morning I had my ID picture scanned and printed (2x2) and bought folders for my documents. I still can digest everything that's happening in my life right now. Everything seems surreal yet exciting. However, I am in the state of dilemma. I don't know where shall I pass my documents. HAHA. I wanted to teach in my Alma Mater but many of my classmates are planning to apply there already. Also, I have already inquired and visited the school near our house, and I feel ashamed to just walk away from that school where I have been doing follow-ups for the requirements. Eh kasi naman I was really supposed to apply in my high school Alma Mater when this zoning appointment came about. Applicants should apply on the school that's nearest to their place of residence that's why I did not pursue my application at my HAM (High school Alma Mater ). Turned out na hindi naman pala nasusunod ang zoning and then my HAM is prioritizing their alumni applicants. Eh I pabalik-balik na ako soon sa high school near our house. Haaay. But I know and I am confident that I would still excel in that place where God destined to put me. Kung sa ibang school man ko, I know that God would put me there because that school needs my sevice more. Now, I'm just trying to be positive whenever I can.

I pray that I would be able to get a high rank so appointment would be fast. :D God bless me.:)

Abre Klase

My tutorial sessions officially started last Tuesday, December 2. And I have a new tutee again! Yipee! She's actually the tutee of my former co-tutor who resigned just last month because she's on the go. Only she and my 2nd-grader returned though from the expected four students. And I am not even sure if the other one would still go back. It's fine but I'll be feeling guilty unless I won't know the reason why he would back out.

Anyway, the wallet and shirt were given to me by my student last Tuesday. Good thing 'cause the wallet is intended for cards and IDs. The shirt is too big for me though so I decided to give it to my papa. Nevertheless, I am thankful for the late Christmas gift. :) Oh the joy of being a teacher! :DDD

I look so haggard and ugly here but this is the only picture that I got . I'm walking while I am taking this!

Anyway, my friend and I went to DepEd Gensan yesterday to ask for the requirements for new teacher applicants.

"Doon kayo pumunta sa school na gusto nyong applyan."

C'mon! There could have been a better answer than that!

NLRC Christmas Party ( Glimpse )

Wohoo! I had such a blast day. Though performing on stage and assisting the kids are quite tiresome, I still feel so blessed to be given the opportunity to participate in this event. I'm happy 'cause I was able to explore the many facets of myself. Also, seeing the kids walking on the runway wearing their costumes really amused me. This day's truly great. :)

Christmas Party

I am so excited for the upcoming Christmas party of the kids in the learning center I am employed. And yes, I do have a part. Bentang-benta ang beaut ko on Sunday, mga teh! HAHA. Serously, I really need to condition my vocal chords for Sunday since I will be singing a couple of songs. I guess I also have to practice projecting now 'cause I'm also a part of the greek cosplay production number. HAHAHAHA!!! I'm so thrilled to the bones, really. I can't wait for Sunday. :D

They Come and Go

Today's the last day of my tutees ( the siblings). And there's no assurance that they would be coming back on January. You see, the older one is a participant in a regional sports event and he has to his practice every after classes, which is coincidentally our tutorial time. The younger one expressed his desire to continue the tutorial sessions yet their father told me that they aren't sure if the two would be coming back on January. I feel sad because I know for myself that I wasn't able to tutor them well. It was really hard tutoring them though because of the lack of books and tutorial materials. I was only relying on their notes, and their are times that they do not copy their lessons. Nonetheless, I still did what I can do for them, but I know my effort is not enough. Now, I don't have late afternoon sessions anymore, and that would just be plain boring (except if our head would give me another tutee). Seriously, I would miss those kids. They are my first tutees when I got employed at the tutorial center. I guess this is one thing that a teacher has to bear - the sight of seeing her students leave without having an assurance of seeing them again. :(

Lament for the Pressured Kids

I really can't understand why some parents are trying to make their kids as their trophy. Why do they have to push the kid's brain so hard if the kid can only do that much? Why force the kid to study when he or she is already very tired? Can grades ever cure the sickness that overfatigue can cause to the children? People have different learning styles. So why force the kids to learn in the opposite way that they want to learn? And why beat them when they fail to do as they are told? Why try to punish them emotionally by putting them down or making them feel that they are worthless because they do not do good in their studies? Aren't parents there to support and understand rather than malign and hurt?

How can the children become our future when even at this point in time we are ruining their future? And how can we blame those children if they grow up becoming rebels and unyielding when we ourselves are the ones who made them feel like they are not worthy of our love, affection, and respect?

How can we heal those hurt children? How can we prepare a bright future for them?

This makes me cry. :(

Update

Hollah! Well, let me just give an update of what's going on with my life as a tutor nowadays.

• My tutees are already four - a pre-schooler, a third grader, a fourth grader, and a sixth grader. Still haven't got a high school student. Haha. Talk about being a secondary education graduate.
• However, my fourth and sixth grader would stop their tutorials on December 10. They will be focusing on their taekwondo lessons. And this means a deduction to my salary. Boohoo!
• I've got a student from a private school -the third grader. Just imagine the pressure. 

But I am actually glad of what I am doing today, even if the pressure's great. I just hope that I would able to make a difference in their lives. I hope they would truly learn from me. :)

LET Rating.. Surprisingly!

Finally! I was able to see my LET rating. :)Though it isn't that high ( well, high enough to be included in the top 10), I still feel great and blessed for this achievement. I am already very happy and contented with the result even if it's not really the way I wanted it to be. The very thing I am thankful of is the humility that the LET experience taught me, especially in accepting the result of the examination. I am happy for those who have made it to the top, but I am even happier for myself because I didn't feel envy at all. I thank God for the feeling of contentment. It just feels so great. :D

Officially a teacher. :)

I MADE IT!!!

Really!! It's surreal! After the examination last September 25, I went outside the examination room afraid of what's to come. I really am not sure if I will be able to make it because I really had a difficult time with the general education part of the exam. But, alas! I made it! I REALLY MADE IT! I will be a hypocrite by saying that I didn't hope, for even a single bit, of being able to make it to the top 10. Of course the pressure of being a MCL was so great I was even scared that people may ridicule me. But after I found out that I passed, I can't help but be contented for what I have got. I know I could have done better but I also know that God's plan for me is better than what I want for myself. LET is not only the venue where I can show my skills and abilities as an achiever. I can always grab the opportunity of being a good teacher when I'm already deployed in the field.

The whole experience taught me how to be humble and how to be contented of what God has given me. I know His plans are there to prosper me. Maybe not this time, but soon. :) Kudos to all the passers of the September 2011 Licensure Examination for Teachers!

Diary of a First Grader

My co-tutor has this Grade 1 student from a prestigious private school in Gensan. She's a very bubbly and smart child. She gets along well with all of us tutors there, and we are so fond of her. One day, she let us borrow her diary. And I was amazed by the depth of the contents in her diary. True enough she was just a seven year old first grader, but the experiences she went through, especially in her family life, were very deep. Imagine growing up with your parents separated, and even seeing one of them in a relationship with another person. What a tragic incident for a child her age.

There are parents who really do not think of the impact of their decisions to the lives of their children. Even if they say that staying in a marriage that doesn't work out would just further ruin the child's life, that still doesn't justify the act of denying the child's right for a complete family. If parents (and I mean both the mother and the father) are just a little bit more concerned for the welfare of their children than their own happiness and comfort, I think there wouldn't be broken families existing in our society right now.

Unprepared

Yesterday, I was surprised to find that my tutee's examination would be on Wednesday. I thought "How am I supposed to prepare review materials?" Worst is they weren't given their pointers yet. Sheessh! That's one of the major difference between public and private schools. Private schools give pointers a week before the examination while public schools give pointers three or two days before the exam. There are times that there are no pointers given at all. Unfortunate as I may be, I still have to show my flexibility as a tutor. Last night, I prepared my English review material. Hopefully, it would be congruent to the pointers (fingers crossed). :) But more than anything else, I hope that my tutee would be able to handle the pressure. Haay. Let's just hope for the best.

Payday

It was actually our payday yesterday. Since I just started last Monday, my salary was just 400 pesos. In two weeks, I'm supposed to receive 800 pesos. Yes, I know it's a small amount but I guess I shall have to be contented of what the Lord has to give me or has given me. Next week, I will try my luck on applying for another part-time job. Hope I'll get employed ASAP. It's really boring to stay in the house the whole morning without anything to do at all. It pretty sucks, actually. And I feel so useless. Urgh. So, yeah, I'll try my luck next week. :D